Me. At least after what I've been through.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
