Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
