She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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