I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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