He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
