as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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