I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
