I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
