You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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