oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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