fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I forgot wine drunk hurts
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
