just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
