How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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