I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
