pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I just found a bag of teeth...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
