I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
