I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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