what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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