if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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