so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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