At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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