I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
