I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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