Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
