12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
