Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
