He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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