I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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