nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
