Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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