They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
