That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
