States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
