It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
