I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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