Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
