Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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