did you get engaged???
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
