Well douche your snatch and let's go!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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