it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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