alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
