i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
