dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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