If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
