I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
