Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
