sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I love you.
Bad choice
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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