my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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