its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just invented taco cereal.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
