I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
