theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
